I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize