Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
