Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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