i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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