got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize