some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
