we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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