Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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