Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
