I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
