I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
