Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
