WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
