there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
