I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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