Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize