I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
