and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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