I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
