The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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