Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
