I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
