Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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