I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
