He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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