you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
