I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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