Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
