She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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