i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
