Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
