Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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