i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
