Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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