the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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