I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
