According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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