I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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