He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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