is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
