Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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