You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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