I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
