She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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