happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
