We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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