i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
love makes seman taste better
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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