i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
