exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
