Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize