Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
