just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
