yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need moral support for this bender
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
