Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize