love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
