I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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