I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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