I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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