It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
