this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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