I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
