i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
