you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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