The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
