He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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