I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
