Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
