It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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