Sponge bath it is.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
