she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
