Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
