Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
